Parenting At Risk Youth

When we want to build anything new, we have to make sure it is founded on sure footings.  For parents who may be trying to influence their strong-willed child to change positively, that sure footing is mandatory.  Without a sure footing, any work in your child’s life, any change you accomplish, and any progress you make is in jeopardy of coming tumbling down!  This last week , at our first of 10 Parent Project classes that Chris Suitt and I are teaching, we taught a group of brave parents how to lay that foundation.  We helped them take the first step towards revolutionizing their parenting approach to bring about positive change in their homes!

The first ingredient to  changing your home is love and affection.  It is my firm belief that the level of love and affecttion that we give a child at birth should be a starting place.  From there, the level of love and affection that we give our kids should steadily increase.  In other words, I believe our teenagers need just as much love, if not more, as they did when they were younger.  The problem is, the trend seems to be that as kids get older the love and affection they perceive decreases instead of increasing.  This means that as our teenagers are feeling more independent and starting to stretch towards adulthood, they might not be receiving affection , or perceiving affection from the place they need it most.  It also gets harder and harder for parents to continue showing affection because we all know how much our teenagers reciprocate and respond lovingly back to us.  Regardless of how are kids respond though, sincere love and affection that is consistently communicated to your teenager in a way they perceive, will give you tremendous leverage when the “winds of change” need to be in the air; and while the leverage that love and affection brings should never be the motive of our affection, the leverage becomes “icing on the cake”.

So how do we show love and affection consistently?  The most affective method is also the most “tried and true”.  Saying, “I love you,” every day, and saying it regardless of the gags, dirty looks, and “whatevers” you receive in return.  You can be as creative as you want.  The tangible ways that parents came-up with in our last class, ranged from cooking a favorite meal, to doing something with your teen that THEY like to do.  What can you come up with?

My next blog will deal with getting in to their heads and figuring out ways to perceive the world the way they do.

Until then, Take care!

Paul